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Small Parts

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                   chest: 42½              waist: 40½              hip: 38½              outseam: 38½
                   inseam: 30½              neck: 16½              sleeve: 25 35              head: 24
                   shoulder: 18½              nape-waist: 19½              nape-floor: 62                 

After playing Mr. Richards in our community’s production of The Boardinghouse last year, I swore off any further roles requiring that much time and effort, at least until after I retire. The experience did help further recovery from the effects of my shenanigans, but it came too close to subtracting more than it added, given my other commitments.

Which doesn’t keep me from taking on bit parts. Like, this past Wednesday at our monthly Players’ meeting, where I was one of three solo performers taking to the stage to do a brief pantomime. My first ever pantomime, perhaps my only. I played a man alone against a cold wind, stopping to sit down to try to build a fire, failing to get it lit with matches but then remembering a cigarette lighter app on my iPhone, getting enough of a fire going to shed my coat, which I then added to the fire to heat it up more . . . then proceeding to shed layer after layer of sweaters and shirts to add to the fire. Eventually running out of clothing to burn, so in jeans and one thin t-shirt turning back into the wind to fight the cold. The funniest part being that during the entire evening before my skit, nobody showed any signs of noticing that I had been wearing all that bulk the whole time, rather materially padding the measurements that SuziQ has taken for having me fit for a uniform being rented for another bit part I have coming up in March.

I’ll be playing the Union officer two separate nights for the Went with the Wind episode of a production our Players will be doing of Carol Burnett skits. I have only a few lines to memorize for that one, lines that should come easy given my employment: I come in demanding payment of back taxes. And in that scene I get a chair busted over me; I’m told that the actress who will be doing that expressed concern about doing so, until she was told that it would be me playing the Union officer, which apparently had the immediate effect of making her look forward to whacking away good and hard. I guess I have that effect on people. But hey, me, good ol’ Tennessee boy born-‘n’-bred to be a Southern gentleman, playing a Union officer?—that one’s going to be difficult to feel the role.

Then in another Carol Burnett skit I play the sick old man visited by the doctor’s father, who is a pediatrician. I worried a little about playing the straight man to Bobby, who will be our doddling doctor, until I realized I was actually supposed to have difficulty containing my own laughter at his antics — my own laughter will make it easier for me to advance my personal goal of making Bobby laugh at himself.

All in all, parts that are about as small as I keep wishing some of those measurements would get . . .

bumper sticker [] - adrien


Aftermath Afterlife:


Written by macheide

6 February 2015 at 3:55 pm

Posted in Adrien

Tagged with , , , ,


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