aftermath

we dream, we create, we change, we love

Archive for July 2009

on visits back

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back visiting high school, all th old teachers gone except mr mauger, who was standing outside his classroom while students in halls coming in. walked around, knowing nobody else, passed th office but then came back around to mauger’s room just as they were settling, asked if he remembered me, he did. small classrooms like office cubicles, each teacher with only 5-6 students sitting at an L-shaped around th teacher. mauger asked me to introduce myself, my statement that i was an actuary felt very distant as i was saying it, my followup comments about th math i’d taken in high school felt even more distant. th students watched me like i was as foreign as if i’d come from an unknown country

i was with a group of actuarial students discussing th actuarial exams. i recalled that i had never managed to pass th final exam, but knew from what they were planning for th next round that i would again fall one short

i headed down some winding empty skyscraper canyons, very dark. near th end, a long curved bus making turns in tightly enclosed spaces, only able to navigate th final turn because of th curvature of th vehicle

i went to purchase a bus ticket. inside th bus terminal were seats at kiosks. i sat down at one to make my purchase, then realized i did not recall my code for my credit card, so stood back up

i wanted to phone susan to remind me of my forgotten credit card code, but forgot th code to unlock my cell phone. th phone did give me a courtesy 5-minute call, i got through to susan, she looked up my credit card code, which was 11, but could not find my cell phone code before before i noticed a spider web had been spun on my bicycle

i got distracted from th phone call and lost it as i kicked away th web, then looked for where th spider itself might be. it was still there hanging just below th handlebars, angry that i had destroyed its webwork. its body was almost as big as my head, and with long thick legs it spread out almost as big as half my own entire size. i tried to kick at it to keep it away from me. people who lived in th house near th bus terminal came to see what th commotion was, worried that th neighborhood spider they called some friendly nickname might be getting in trouble

instead of th bus, i boarded a ship like th old sailing ships from over two centuries ago. th captain had only a first mate and two crewmen, those three in th water intending to head for shore leave. th captain gave them last warning that we were set to sail, but they ignored him, figuring he could not sail th ship on his own without them. when it became clear he intended to try, th first mate swam after th ship and struggled to climb up th stern side, but th other two crewmen just treaded water and watched th boat depart. which it did lurching side to side into th piers, since they were at least correct that th captain could not manage th ship on his own without assistance

i arrived at th lc auditorium, which only had half a dozen people although it was time for th evening service to begin. i rode my bicycle down th aisle, then around to th right. i sat in th middle of a pew near th side doors, then moved over in th pew so th row could fill as more people came. after moving over enough, i was over on th left side of th room. a woman came through th pew in front of us, handing out attendance cards. i was handed one, th woman saying, “we need your signature on this, mister labombard” (yes, pronounced as used to be back when i attended lc). surprised that anyone had recognized me, i asked th two young women next to me who that woman was. those two had never met me but had heard stories of me and were pleased to have th opportunity to meet me, told me th name of th woman who had handed out th attendance cards [that name forgotten as i woke from th dream, but i think it was th woman who had been jean’s best friend during high school and bju years]

Written by macheide

29 July 2009 at 5:58 am

Posted in oneirra

on wayne’s tennis game

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on a tennis court at college with wayne. every time i would serve to him, i would cringe back as he prepared to smash it back at me as hard as he could. but he always wound up hitting th balls wildly outside th fencing, ball after ball after ball, over fifty spread out over th grass and in th lake

Written by macheide

27 July 2009 at 4:04 am

Posted in oneirra

What Rhymes with Weird?

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Canon 090721 014Last month, Suzi needed half the morning and a barrage of increasingly obvious hints before realizing that I had shaved off something rather major.

But then instantly recognized what is weird with this studied snapshot.

She explained that the difference had to do with how annoying she had been finding the previous version of the study.  Which means that she had not found the previous version of my face too annoying?  Hmmmm. . . . .

Written by macheide

21 July 2009 at 4:47 pm

Posted in Adrien

on my final day

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we were well into the afternoon before i realized it was our final day, that i needed to clean everything up, pack up my own things to go and organize th files and things that belonged to my employer. there seemed at first too much to clean up, but it went well, th messy-looking collection of papers and stuff quickly dissolving into a few minor things at th edge of th wall

although i was bothered a little that i might not have adequately completed all of my assignments, we had all graduated successfully

as i organized th remaining items that needed to be left behind, i realized that there was very little if anything that i’d not completed. all that was left was some old equipment that hadn’t worked for a long time and would probably get thrown out by th next person to sit at my desk, but i boxed it up right all th same

i phoned my father to arrange to be picked up with my belongings. although this trip ought to have been long expected and high on his priority list, he was preoccupied talking with jim about some other uncertain distraction he was thinking of attending to first

i rode with some classmates in a very full car to some pre-graduation events. did anyone know when th graduation ceremony would actually be held, i wondered aloud. nobody seemed to know, except that it would be held about a week or two from now

back near our campus, other students were still milling around, celebrating th close of th school year. with my father still occupied, i thought of hitching a ride home with my belongings with th people i’d been riding around with. with th car already quite stuffed with all of us in, it seemed odd to think that all of us might also manage to get all of our luggage in too, but i could picture it being done without too much trouble

it was brought to my attention that our professor had already lined up some of th key cases to be settled th next term, had assigned them to my protege, was hoping that i might also be willing to add a word or two of advice, but hadn’t wanted to impose on me by asking. my protege was excited to be looking forward to th opportunity of filling my position th following year, encouraged me to feel free to help out. i felt like it was still morning of our final day, so that maybe we could look over th scheduled cases now and share some initial thoughts before th close of th school day, but was told it had already been 5pm when we were dismissed earlier, so that it must be at least 5pm. i shrugged and suggested that we could still at least get some early work done on overtime, before th closed up th place for th night. but i did ask again if anyone actually knew when graduation day would be. and made it clear that i would not spend th intervening time on these cases, that i was planning to go on a total holiday, nothing planned, nowhere special to go, and that i would be accepting no new assignments or duties or even diversions during that period

my protege’s intense interest in taking my mantle concerned me a little. i advised him that while i had been good at my math, my peak had been at or around age 14, back in 9th grade, that all my math since then had been a struggle to learn and a hardship to apply. that although i had been blessed to have work that i enjoyed, and that i had in fact done well with pensions, it was not really what i would have wanted to do, that i would have rather have written poetry for a living

[side note: suziq and i may have switched dreams last night. today will be her final day performing regular babysitting services. whereas her dreams were of a fat nekkid man]

Bumper Sticker [www.internetbumperstickers.com/] - oneirra

Written by macheide

17 July 2009 at 4:04 am

Posted in oneirra

Catching the Wave

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This morning gave me some of the wildest bedhead ever. Some of the best of it coming not at that crazy top or the sides, but those crazy single strands crossing over my forehead.

Susan treated Nat, Jenny, Brandon, and me to a pancake breakfast. Thank you!!

Then Susan and I went for an afternoon of lazy bobbing on inner tubes in the near-100º Texas sun at the Wave Pool in La Porte. Very relaxing! Let’s do this again soon!!

bumper sticker [www.internetbumperstickers.com] - adrien

Written by macheide

11 July 2009 at 5:17 pm

Posted in Adrien

on a nomic moment

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walking along a sidewalk [like on upper main street of royersford] with a young woman who was attempting to take over a woman’s club which i had helped to found [in th dream, me seeming to be a respected elderly woman, but with no apparent sexual or gender implications seeming to be attached to that switch other than th association to having helped found th organization in question]

th younger woman was advising me of a rule change to th organization’s bylaws, which would require that all charter members who had been granted membership prior to a particular date [that date specifically stated within th dream, but not remembered upon waking] would lose their membership

i strongly protested, objecting that while charter members had th power to enact such a rule, non-charter members such as this woman and her allies had no such power

[within th dream itself, i thought about how similar this felt to nomic, an intriguing game based on amendment of th game itself, which i myself once played in real life in late 1982 under th original ruleset]

[during half-sleep while waking to go to th bathroom – th time being around 4am – i felt th situation and its nomic parallel to be an allusion to gene kalwarski and his fight with th powers that be at milliman and among other large actuarial firms]

Bumper Sticker [www.internetbumperstickers.com/] - oneirra

Written by macheide

11 July 2009 at 4:04 am

Posted in oneirra

Off Clonidine

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At my most recent doctor’s appointment this past week, I was advised to phase off clonidine in favor of lisinopril, which is said to be better relative to a very minor heart abnormality they found on my stress test.

My BP has bumped around a little getting used to the switch, but does seem to be settling back down to what have generally been typical figures for me.

Both the lisinopril and the amlodipine – which they started me on about a month or so ago – cause dizziness. Which for me has meant brief bouts of near narcolepsy, when the dizziness has been abrupt enough to drop me straight over a cliff, if only for a few seconds. But which does seem to have been tapering off.

(Oh, and yes I do have that dry cough they told me the lisinopril might bring along for the ride.)

//www.internetbumperstickers.com] - specimen

Written by macheide

1 July 2009 at 8:25 am

Posted in specimen