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Archive for August 24th, 2008


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It happens every single time. If there is a handyman task to be done around the house, I can always find the wrong way to do it. Doesn’t matter even when I read the instructions, which I admit to doing on this simple task – didn’t help me avoid my usual bloopers.

This task: mount three towel hooks on each of three upstairs bathroom doors. First minor blooper: attempting to drill holes in a wooden door with a plaster drill bit. Second blooper: attaching the mount to the door horizontally, when it was supposed to be mounted vertically. The instructions neglected to mention that, no doubt assuming that my type would never be permitted to threaten the house with my special talents.

Worst mistake: failing to cool the bathrooms down before starting what ought to have been a 15-minute task, but which I managed eventually to complete in what was it, an hour and a half?

bumper sticker [] - homeowner

Written by macheide

24 August 2008 at 3:57 pm

Posted in homeowner

broken bike

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at tlr preparing for a long day’s bicycle trip, a century maybe. taping up th handlebars in black. it’s dark and quiet when i set out north

down th hill past wartman, letting th rush carry me up to th crest at greenshire. only there, when i pause to turn my bike for a final glance back up to th house, do i realize that my left hand is gripping th handlebar stem, not a handlebar – my bicycle is missing its left handlebar

i walk th bike back toward th house, watching th road at every step, looking for where th handlebar might have fallen off. turns out it is back up in th garage, hadn’t noticed it had fallen off before i left

th family is up by now, gathering at th table for breakfast. i come into th room to explain what had happened, saying “i ride bike like shit…” everyone finds this hilarious. i take offense at their laughter and tell them they can figure out what happened for themselves

[and yes, th subsequent round of dreaming did feature huge cobwebs that i walked into but were too strong to walk through, infestations of huge spiders, some sort of despicable worm, and endless attempts to clean th place of th mess all these evil pests left behind]

Bumper Sticker [] - oneirra

Written by macheide

24 August 2008 at 4:04 am

Posted in oneirra