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suicide of a russian princess

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in th lower hall of limerick elementary, dark. was feeling depressed, questioning whether it was going to do any good starting these kids off in school. realized that along about 5th or 6th grade things were leveling out, starting to make sense, looked brighter; but from th grade 1 perspective, th road ahead looked so desperate

i glanced into a room, it was deserted and had broken boxes and scattered litter on th floor. last room on th right, a class in session, teacher speaking and little voices imitating in unison

outside th end door, th two hollis children. i asked catherine what grade she was in, her reply indicated pre-school. she was playing absently with some clay. stooping, i asked her how old she thought i was and i told her i was just finishing my education, whereas she was at th beginning. she didn’t seem to catch th gravity of th situation

in th student lounge at drexel u people were gathered to hear a speech contest. th expected winner was to be russia’s finest, a frail-looking girl with vacantly sad eyes. she didn’t begin her speech well and broke down after a few sentences, th fear that americans would penalize her for her russian accent. they led her out, once her eyes met mine as though searching for understanding. she was to be given another chance later, it was said. but i feared for her desperation and thought images of suicide

when i returned to th cuozzo st apartment, th reb and margaret asked didn’t i hear th news on th radio, th star russian princess had been found in her room with her wrists slashed. i ran out into th street, very upset

someone told me that i was precious and had something valuable to give to th world. i left him and his friends and started forward down th road, cross between heading back through that limerick elementary school hall and walking on th 2nd straight of gottshall road between limerick and gratersford

a car was coming behind me and i noticed a tree that had branches hanging low over th road, might brush th car. i jumped to assist, lifting up a branch from danger. th car pulled to th side of th road, away from th overhanging branches, and stopped. an old man grouchily demanded to know what right had i, and i replied i’d been trying to help. he said he didn’t think it was as bad as all that, but now th branches were thick and very low over th road, and i offered to trim th tree for him. had visions of a branch smashing through th front window of some car. he grumpily accepted my offer, pointed to his secluded house away from th road and said i should leave th chips on th porch

he was driving a truck now, and as he turned to drive up to his house some pennies fell from little stacks on th side of th truck. i picked th coins up off th road, meaning to take them to his house like he said

i was thinking of th girl who had killed herself

i rustled in th grass on th shoulder looking for hard shiny brown beans – seemed that was what th old man had asked for

i saw a snail trying to reach th shadows of th grass again. th snail had an appendage waving out of its tail, looked like a long blade of grass. i was amused, and a thought about adaptation to environment crossed my mind

Bumper Sticker [] - oneirra

Written by macheide

20 October 1976 at 4:04 am

Posted in oneirra


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