we dream, we create, we change, we love

Archive for September 20th, 1976

long convo with patty

leave a comment »

i returned to haycock mtn boys’ brigade camp, years after i’d been there before. i was feeling congenial and friendly, like i owed a secret debt although there really wasn’t one there, and i was walking around looking for something to do

i saw a man in a booth across from th mess hall, greeting new campers, and i walked over hoping to find that it would be don fries. it wasn’t, and th man said don could not make it because he had recently been badly injured

i went to find a bathroom. there were two large rooms serving as bathrooms behind th mess hall, but they were very dark. and when i entered by th light coming through th door, i nearly stepped on two or three piles of shit on th floor. a camp official came to th door and said that these bathrooms had not been cleaned for a while and were not in use. i set about cleaning up, and later th rooms were used as a meeting place for th newcomers on th first night of camp, although in this frame of reference th room was turned around and on th other side of th road

patty and nancy were present, and so when i saw a few of my sketches being passed around by some of th people, i stood quietly and left. i at least wanted to look presentable when i returned, and although i was wearing my green vested suit, my vest & suit & tie & jacket were in disarray. i took off th trousers and struggled to rearrange my other clothes

then i heard a soft voice behind me, and i turned to find that patty had left to join me. i stood in silence while she begged me not to shut her out. i almost excused myself to leave, but then i stopped and spoke to her. “there are few things i would like more than to be a friend of yours. but i have found another life, and i would be a fool to let that die. i can never be happier than i am in that life”

[i don’t recall her reaction to this, except that th dream was not closed out as other dreams of such encounters have been. i was not frightened, nor was i nervous. i felt no expectations or hopes, nor any preferences on staying or leaving]

but i did stay, and we walked around th building talking

[i remember almost nothing of our conversation, although we talked for almost an hour]

i do remember mentioning to her that i had left th church one evening walking toward pottstown and thinking things over, but had not seen her family pass. i told her it had been on th 19th of april, because i could remember things from th two previous days

[th 17th was a sunday in 1971]

she could not recall at first, but then became embarrassed because she hadn’t been with her family on th way home that night, rather had been on a date. that didn’t concern me at all, but i think she might have been embarrassed because of some connection with th rest of our conversation

[i woke enough to check th time, then continued th dream]

patty and i went down to th cuozzo street apartment. i wanted th reb to be th first one to know about our evening. she was sleeping beside wayne, and we had trouble awakening them. mf and kathy occupied one sleeping bag in th living room, while another couple – patty’s parents, perhaps – were sleeping in another

mf woke up and gave me an envelope, containing a card and a ten dollar bill. mf was smiling and looking pleased with himself. i was going to protest that he needn’t be so generous just because he’d forgotten my birthday, but stopped just as th words were on my tongue and decided that if i said anything at all, i’d best rephrase it

Bumper Sticker [] - oneirra

Written by macheide

20 September 1976 at 4:04 am

Posted in oneirra